ASWARA dance graduate Douglas Labadin savours the experience of performing in the restaging of a short dance work by Faillul Adam.
I first saw “Backbiting”, a work choreographed by Faillul Adam, in 2017. As a student who had just started exploring choreography at the time, I was mesmerized by the performance. It was one of the first few works that I watched which incorporated elements of drama on a whole new level. It was so raw and emotional, cleverly laced with humour and wit; the ratio of seriousness and whimsicality was perfectly balanced. How I wished I could perform in a work like that! As things turned out, my prayers were answered in March 2020, when Faillul invited me to be a part of the restaging of ‘Backbiting’ for his production In Transit. I was thrilled!
I quickly said yes to the invitation, afraid that I might lose the opportunity. As soon as I got home, I searched for the video of the performance on YouTube, and started playing out the choreography from the work’s finale in my head as the music of “Evil Woman” by Lou Rawls played on a loop on my phone. I particularly liked that part of the choreography; although the movements seemed so simple, the amount of meaning that it brought to the whole choreography was immense.
We started rehearsals in January, after having watched the video and learned the movements on our own, as Faillul had assigned us our respective roles. While doing this, I realized how cleanly the original ensemble of dancers executed the movements; it made me worry how well the new cast would work together as a unit. As a choreographer myself, I knew how important it was for us to have a strong sense of chemistry. Without it, everything might just flop.
On the first day of rehearsal, all seven of the dancers were present. However, Faillul wasn’t there to supervise us and he asked Jeremiah and I to be in charge. I thought, “Great! This gives us an opportunity to goof around a little and work on our chemistry!” Fortunately, the chemistry between the seven of us came pretty naturally. Each dancer’s enthusiasm really helped in the process, and the overall sense of excitement during that first rehearsal provided the extra boost we needed.
We started working on the first ensemble part, where the dancers were supposed to move in synchrony in a triangle formation at the centre of the space. Jeremiah led this section as he was one of the original dancers from the 2017 performance. Learning the movements proved a little difficult as they sometimes made no sense, going from one to another without much rhyme or reason. However, since I like to approach choreography by learning movements first and making sense of them later on, I managed to overcome this obstacle.
At the next rehearsal, Faillul was there to supervise. We began to revise movements from the previous rehearsal, although somehow each one of us had different memories of them! After watching us struggle for a while, Faillul gathered us around and started talking about how “Backbiting” came about. It was nice listening to his recollections of his choreography, like being on a time machine back to 2017. After listening, I could feel a small fire igniting in me, pushing me to execute his choreography as flawlessly I could. I guess the rest felt the same way too.
Over the next few rehearsals, the seven of us were able to work on our synchrony, which also helped enhance the chemistry between us. We were soon able to execute the movements pretty well; it was not perfect, but we were on the right track. The next phase was nailing all the theatrical bits—another element that I love about this choreography! For instance, each of us had a partner to act with and I was paired with Hilmi. Hilmi would pretend to spit on my face, and I would react dramatically by pulling an incredibly angry look on my face. We also had to act like zombies at one point. My face would contort as I walked around in a shuffle, portraying the feeling of depression after experiencing a backstab. It seems like the whole choreography was driven by theatricality. I had to practice performing as myself, and at the same time not as myself. That sounds confusing, but that’s exactly how I felt throughout the rehearsal process—finding the balance of becoming me and not me.
As the day of the performance drew nearer, the process of getting “Backbiting” to its final form was almost at its end. However, after the second preview of the production, an issue arose concerning the costumes. In the previous performance, the dancers wore different shades of grey and blue. However, for this rendition, Faillul felt like the dance needed a huge costume makeover, so he asked the dancers for suggestions. After two days of considering his options, he decided to take a look at a nearby mall, and asked if I could come along. At the mall we were faced with an array of options; there was also another issue at hand—would I be able to fit into the costume? As a plus-sized dancer, I would always be worried about troubling the choreographer to look for a costume that would fit. But Faillul’s words to me that day allayed my worries. He said, “Tidak apa, Douglas. Yang penting kostum tu selesa bagi kamu. Kita cari lagi sampai dapat.” (It’s okay, Douglas. What’s important is that the costume is comfortable for you. Let’s keep looking until we find it.) At that point, I felt so thankful to have met such an understanding choreographer. After almost three hours of frantic searching, we finally found the perfect costumes for show; I even got to DIY my own!
The day of the performance finally arrived. All of us were worried that not many people would attend because of fears of COVID-19. Thankfully, we had a good number of people in the audience on opening night, which made me nervous, but at the same time determined to do my best. The seven of us got ready, all dressed in different hues of pink. “Backbiting” was the second performance of the night, and the excitement I felt before entering the stage made my heart beat faster.
Our performance began with a duet by Iqram and Jeremiah, which while presented in a serious manner, showcased a lot of humour. The perfect opening to the work, it provided a sneak peek for what came next. After the duet ended, Akid and Hilmi entered. Then it was my turn. I braced myself and entered as the character of my choice: a fat boy who accidentally skipped breakfast, and sees a lunch buffet being served in front of him. I reached my position and dropped on stage, and heard a soft giggle from the audience. At that point, just lying on stage seemed unbelievable; I couldn’t believe that the day of the performance had finally arrived.
As the second music started playing, all seven of us started to move together. As I took my place at the front of the ensemble, that small fire in me ignited again. All I can remember from that moment was the satisfaction and joy that I felt while executing the movements. I could feel the audience’s attention, and I wanted to make sure that they could feel what my character was feeling: knowing that someone you care about might stab you in the back without notice. This felt like a warning to the audience—to brace themselves for the eventual pain.
As the choreography continued, I could feel our group energy strengthening. When Ramdani dropped to the floor, signalling the end of the first half, the rest of us put on our zombie shoes and exited. The next part required us to tap into our inner actors as we each portrayed a different character. We had quite a bit of fun as we were allowed to just be goofballs. The dance continued with a duet by Aiman and Jeremiah, which transitioned into one of my favourite parts—the finale. As “Evil Woman” started playing, I could feel the eagerness within our group. We moved in unison. All the minimal yet controlled movements, the variety of facial expressions, the little moments that we shared together and the special bond that we created resulted in that moment. It was truly the perfect way to end the choreography.
I really enjoyed myself in this work. The freedom to be myself, and at the same time portray multiple characters, was really magical for me. That feeling of satisfaction and joy that I felt on stage can never be compared with anything else in this world. It reminded me why I love to dance and to perform. This was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me, and I’m so blessed to have been a part of this production. Until next time, see you again, “Backbiting”!
Douglas Labadin is a master’s degree student in Chulalongkorn University, Thailand. More
You can follow him on Instagram at @dancedougie.
Featured photo: [Left to right] Akid Jabran, Muhammad Aiman Yusuf Roslan, Mohd Iqram Azhar, Jeremiah Richard Lim, Khairul Ramdani Suparman, Muhammad Nur Hilmi Rosli and Douglas Labadin in “Backbiting” at the Experimental Theatre of the National Academy of Arts, Culture and Heritage (ASWARA), Kuala Lumpur, 7 March, 2020.